No, you don’t always bleed to know you’re alive. Sometimes, a careless laughter can be your partner in this bumpy road and endless maze we term as life. It phages me up- the thought of getting so stuck in this maze, so blinded by the bright lights, the fear of losing my vision in quest of the best of both worlds.
I want to be all worn out by the time I die, and yet I wish to die young. I guess I will always be stuck in a path of my own, my own shade of gray; ‘coz black and white is just too mainstream to be me.
To my long lost fellows I found through this wonderful place, I hope you’re living and not just existing.
I’ve got updates. Lots and lots of them.
Just random, unasked and unwanted updates from my not-so-important life that I really want to blurt out and sum up because I just realized that this space of mine is all deserted since over years now.
Here we go then,
The 16 year old who started this webspace is a 21 year old now. (Captain obvious!)
I remember screwing up your blogfeeds with my endless rants and crazy poetry and medschool woes until well, twitter welcomed me and I started ruining people’s lives with the blue birdie as my partner in crime. Tonight, though, I vow to not leave this space unattended and get back to my virtual pen pals who taught me how not to screw up my daily diaries during my late teens and who made sure I had their back no matter what.
To begin with, my academic hell (read: Medicine) has burnt me up alive and I will be stepping into my final year of medicine this January, InshaAllah! Oh how time flies. Whoever said time eases all pain, forgot to add, it erases all passion as well. I remember how the only thing I ever wanted to be was a white-coat angel and now how my educational system has sucked out each bit of motivation from my already failing heart. But down the road I have started standing out of the crowd, and that’s the only thing I am striving for currently. But you can’t always row in two boats, right? That’s the current challenge I’m shamelessly defying as I slowly transit into the midlife crisis.
From joining an orphanage back in 2011 as a teacher to getting promoted to an Education Administrator, the journey went on as the independence ka keera bit me yet again and I planned on launching an e-store for jewelry and clothing that surprisingly boomed and left myself surprised at what more I could do. Took the brand to a new level by spreading my wings internationally and then after getting all the recognition and grabbing the title of a doctor-designer, I finally felt like I am done with this on my plate. A few months ago, hence, the person behind this screen planned on shutting down her running online business and bidding farewell to a huge family of clients across the globe to live a simpler, typical medschool student life where there’s nothing but books and patients.
Only if I were that calm and focused.
This September, when I was nearing my end of fourth year medicine and was winding up my cottage business, it struck me hard that I just have a year to cross all the things in my check-list before the doctor diaries gulp me down that abyss or some not-so-charming prince takes me away to a lalaland and I’m forced to be the queen of some nanny diaries. Fearing that, I sneaked out from my castle of endless rules and limitations and stepped into marketing and sales! Tadaa.
Shamelessly and proudly announcing that I’m now pursuing medicine and working for firangis in making money because I refuse to be the traditional doctor who only dreams to get the best grades so she gets a good rishta and better scores on the USMLE and a supposedly smooth life.
“I am the kind of person who always wants too much on her plate, and yet savor every bit of it.”
That’s what I blurted out to my employer in the interview for the current job. I planned on keeping quiet about it and not letting my friends and friends of friends and relatives of relatives know about it, because it kills me how people tag others within microseconds of things that don’t even exist but hey you, I refuse to give you the liberty to build up stories about me but even if you’ve somehow snatched the liberty of doing so, let me tell you;
I am absolutely loving my two-toned career right now. Alhamdolillah!
Busy has always been my thing. Busy is the new black, lol.
Which reminds me, I’ve an exam on Wednesday, that is three days from now, and I haven’t studied one bit so let me get back to my books before they give up on me because I have a lot more to vent out in the next posts to follow!
The new readers to this space, please don’t judge me if you go through the older posts. We all have that kiddish cyber history, don’t we?
C it my way! 
Time Flies! There was a time u were keen to start med school and now u r about to finish IA. Just 21 and achieved so much during all those years, and hopefully u ll achieve much more in life. All the best for ur N-tonned career where N = infinity 🙂 And yes, we ll always remember ur kiddish cyber history :p
It does, indeed! Look at you, how hesitant were you too for your PhD to begin and now you’re almost done, a doctor before me! 😉 Oh and thanks for the N-career wish, so eager to unveil the hidden mysteries I’d write for myself in the future.
Haha, you. You can’t forget it. (Though I secretly hope you do.)
Your posts have got matured. It cracked me up too. Good job.
Thank you, long lost fellow!
Loved the way you expressed. Some serious stuff in such a light tone.
Can’t wait to read the previous posts 🙂
Thanks so much for dropping by, love!
The place is all yours, die laughing- thank me later! 😀
You reblogging popped up as a notification on my mail, and i just started reading it, been away from this place since years, yet this felt good! You go ace the exaam Insha’Allah. And wow, i don’t know but i feel like thanking you, the entire reading experience just felt plain good. Keep doing this, you’re good at it. All of it felt like old times, made me realize been gone too long.
God bless you for subscribing! No matter how deserted we leave this place, coming back to it always feels like home. Our very own castle, where there’s no fear.
and thank YOU for dropping a comment, makes me want to write more and revive this dead place somehow!
Whoa :)… this was intense man.
Where is the old Shagufta who had a lil bachpana around her which was classic (note the contradiction :p?)
Miss the old you. Love the new you. Stay blessed and hurrah for not sticking to just one tone in life. It’s amazing to defy the traditionalist approach towards something and yet.. make it all work. Proud of you!
UNI! Guess who had been secretly waiting for your comment ever since I hit the post button?
Oh I have just grown old, growing up would require a little more atrocity.
Love the entire you! Thank you for always, always popping out of the blue and leaving a wide grin on my face!
You are crazy!
Crazy is the new black? :p