misery · Venting out

Tonight’s menu- Glazed dejection sprinkled with teary flakes

1:46 AM, and the emo lil – okay not so little anymoregirl behind this blog ends up here to fight the recent blow of depression she has been hit by. She took her phone and tried dialing a few numbers just to talk and lighten her heart to maybe 0.987654321% but then kept it aside thinking of all the past times she had been bothering her dearies by her ready-to-spill liter packs of tears(which are a proof that out of all the organs in her body, her nasolacrimal ducts are perfectly fine and are actually working excessively). Calls for much of a celebration, no?

Sigh.

It’s 1:53 AM now. And its better to be the girl doing This-timecheck-is-brought-to-you-by-Sunsip Limopani  rather than allowing the over flowing dim-witted and thorny notions out of my mind into statements everyone can comprehend. But you know what? I’ll just let it out tonight, for the sake of me saving myself from a nervous breakdown. Or maybe not. Whatever who cares anyway.

I miss being positive. Or I miss the times when things went my way. Ha *insert LOL’x’*
That was long, long ago.

The little moments of joy which meant as big as a 12 storey building to me- what I was not given then but now, are indeed a blessing Alhamdolillah. But the actual big things whose worth I’ve realized when I stand here with an empty sack loaded on my shoulders are the ones I miss. And trust me, this pack is crammed with barrenness and its so light yet so heavy that in those efforts to walk with an impressive gait, I get clumsier than Bella Swan, manage not to trip but result in nothing so significant either.

Seems like those 11 pills a day I’m taking is making me human-repellant.
And well, they actually are. Or maybe its just the humans. I should stop blaming my poor lil meds now.

2:16 AM.

I honestly don’t know of what am I turning into. A victim of sheer injustice or a dissenter with a butchery silence. Drowning I am. Sinking in this quicksand that’s dribbling out lava. So it’s pretty much mordant you see.

Tere Ishq mei job hi doob gaya usay dunya ki lehron sey darna kia..
That’s what I am listening to atm. Soothing stuff. But the soot inside won’t let it do any cleansing.

I feel like laughing on my stagnant existence. No wait, I ‘am’ laughing.
Each time I go through any such thing, makes me declare it as the zenith of helplessness. BUT each new time, I am offered with something worse, YO! \m/

So keeping in mind the history, that has to repeat, I should believe firmly that this is not the end. And I know uptil now you must have gotten habitual and quite annoyed of me being so glum and gloomy everytime I end up writing something but hey, my blood group is A POSITIVE. So erm, admit it or not, positivity IS in my blood, and it has to show up someday. So for now, I’ll just declare myself ill.

Besides, I have yet again lost my original student copy of a fee voucher and tomorrow’s the last day for submission so I don’t really know what’s gonna happen next. On a lighter note, Soul of Wind, whoever you are, thanks much for the comments; but I’d be glad to know your name.

 

Guess that’s enough typing for my recently cured carpal tunnel syndrome-d hand.  Stay happy and grateful, unlike me! Hopefully, I’ll be back with the same old sunshine springing within, someday soon.

And oh, its 2:48 AM btw. #Kthnxbai

*waves goodbye*

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10 thoughts on “Tonight’s menu- Glazed dejection sprinkled with teary flakes

  1. Awwww

    I know the 1.30am < time < 3.00ish depression quite well. It's quiet moments like these when burdens become heavier and life seems even more gloomier than it is.

    SO cheer up. It probably isn't that bad. 🙂 And I'm sure the positivity (which runs in your blood , so to speak :P) will show up one way or the other.

    Writing a diary (and a blog entry) helps. Know from experience ;)… Hope things become better real soon Insha Allah!

    1. Or is it programmed in us? Kasam say this raat wali depression is crazzzy. :/ but when I have people like you, who are not there just in the form of words on my screen, but there dil say, so why worry? 😀

      I heart my happy self. Haye ~

  2. Hey Cheer Up dudess. Btw i am up there in your post. wow!! is that achievement?!! Haha. That was on the lighter note =) cheer up. btw who i am?!! that’s the question i am asking myself from a very long time. Soul of winds is like a wind, comes and go, no one really knows. Well i am a fan of reading blogs, like your blog, its up there in my favorite blogs list. Like your writing =)

    1. Haha (: Not much of an achievement, but if you wish to be that positive, go ahead. DUUUUUUDE OH EM GEEEE, YOU’RE IN MY POST! WHOOAA xD

      I still have an eyebrow raised. Will figure out who you are someday 😀

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