life's lessons · Venting out

Paranoid

Doctors of the future can be patients of the present. And no, present is not always a present. Past can never be either. But is life limited to these three phases only? How can we define limits and boundaries for the time that keeps on flying yet keeps on coming back and sometimes stays ceased and repeats its same old cycle?

We are such skillful actors. Pretending and lying is something we have learnt and practiced more than the gazillion times we breathe. At times I wonder how blackened our hearts must have been, backbiting and passing comments at almost everyone – I wonder what has it done to us spiritually.

I had always believed truth is the best weapon against every evil coming your way. But my belief has now changed. Just saying. At times you just don’t have a vision clear enough to inspect what’s right and what’s not. It’s not always that easy, but it’s never that hard either. And promises and decisions are NEVER permanent. That is the case for humans btw.

I honestly have no clue of how will I die. Y’know, when you always wish for a heroic death with people crying their hearts out coz they are not ready to accept your depature and they know they will miss you for long and you’ll be remembered in good words – and that never happens or maybe that does coz not every dream has to die someday.

It’s okay to fall, coz that’s when you learn how to get up –IF you do.

It’s okay to fail too, coz failures prevent you from being proud n pretentious.

Some battles have to be lost to win a war. But backing off is what loosers do.

Do you know about the two moments when you can feel all the peace of the world? It’s when you get down on your knees and bow your head against the floor and close your eyes. That moment, when you can hear yourself breathing and can feel your heart beat at a continous pace without any hiatus- that moment, when you know that no other power in the world except your God has blessed you with all of this, and its no other than Him who can still hear you in your deepest silence. What can fear you once you’re under His shelter? He loves you still. And He always will.

Your mother’s lap. The coziest refuge that stands second on the list.

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26 thoughts on “Paranoid

  1. This gave me chills. And then soothed me, in a weird way.
    You are right about the last two things.
    Perfect.

  2. this was umm i dont know, weirdly instigating. the text insidiously travelled through the mind before making its way to the heart ! brilliant!

  3. the title is rather ironic for the calming assurance of the whole thing. 🙂 it must really be a profound epiphany for you. this kind of feeling tastes like soft sunlight escaping through laced curtains, silent and treasured.

    1. I too noticed how eccentric it was that being paranoid led me to serenity as the post ended but well, thats how it is. And yes, a treasured feeling indeed. (:
      A warm welcome to you in here, Aasiyah!

  4. I once told a friend that at the end of the day when i take all my masks off, i don’t recognize the stranger who looks back disapprovingly at me.

  5. Nice Post..
    agree especially to the last two paras.. 🙂
    Namaz and your mother’s lap..

    Plus, I have also realized that when you are down.. and you want someone to share with what you are going through,, especially if you have done something wrong.. it’s best to talk to Allah instead of talking to people.. it always helps to ask for His forgiveness if you think you are doing or have done something wrong.. or ask for His help.. because that is what you always always need.. 🙂

    1. Thanks for dropping by (: Undeniably it is the people who welcome us with bitter experiences and that’s what proves to be a precursor of our first step towards His shelter.
      Welcome in here, Keep sparkling!

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