Another year has passed. You and me apart.
The more i wish to bring youu back, the more it makes me feel helpless. I know I cant. The spaces bteween us are infinite. I want to be with you, but i cant. No wait, I can.
I can still feel you right there by my side, at each step of my life. I can still feel you in the darkest of the skies, as a shining star, glowing bright as ever, spreading rays of joy in every direction. I can still spend sleepless nights under the sky, talking to you for hours and hours; telling you about how Dad and I argued again, how i cooked something delicious, how i designed a dress and it turned out to be a mess, how our beighbour again told me that i am getting weaker day by day. But you need not to worry, you know na, it’s just that i am getting slimmer, not weak.
And oh yes, i’ve grown a bit taller too! If I wear those stilettos, I’d be as tall as dad =) The apple of your eye, your eldest daughter, is doing pretty well. She is upto a few new projects, and needs your prayers. Your mischievous grandson has become a lot more talkative, smart and even cuter. Yesterday when i cried missing you, you know what he did? He hugged me and said, “Main hoon na aap ki mama! Agar aap roi tou main apko daantunga !( I am your mom now, if you cry, I’ll scold you ) ” ^_^
He’s SO like you Maa.
And han, i don’t fight with api anymore, i mean i do, but it has lessened to a great extent. I help her with the household chores too. At times, I do feel like a mother of two , lol. I’ve grown up a little, and should i tell you something pleasing? Just for you, I am starting this drinking-milk-daily thingy. I hope it makes you happy.
Umm.. Maa.. I had something to say, i couldn’t find any postal address where I could drop this letter for you, so I’ve Allah mian to make you read it.. Mama, now when i look back upon those smooth and rough roads I’ve crossed, I realize that I had deviated from my path quite a few times. I had my regrets, but no, not anymore. I have my eyes set on my target, and i wont allow ANY thing to bring me away from it.
I’m sorry mama, I let you down. But you won’t have any more complaints. My silly decisions, my foolish mistakes, mt blind trust on those who never ever deserved it, is now a part of my erased past.
I feel sad, might start crying. But i promise you, once i finish crying buckets, my sobbing eyes will NEVER shed tears on the same reason again.
when you were there with me, your unconditional love was enough to heel all my wounds. My heart never needed to know the meaning of solitude. My soul was spotless. My existence was a bliss to all others around. But since youleft me, a venomous rage filled in me. I was not the same anymore. I used to stay silent when I was dying to let my voice be heard. I smiled when i wanted to cry out loud. I quit when I was just a step away from victory. I turned good, yet bad. I turned out to be strong and courageous but was feeble and weak from inside.
The ones who had a sharp sight, spotted the person I was hiding beneath this shell. I felt I got a substitute for your love. But how silly I was. I felt that the vacuum inside my life would then get filled. But all that glitters is not gold. I made mistakes, again and again. I thought that this world isn’t as bad as it seems. I thought that generously spreading love would make others’ lives better, and in return, mine too. Things went my way, and I thanked Almighty for making me identify the purpose of my existence. My whole life got filled wih bright colours.
I loved life. It loved me. I was happy. Very content. But not for long, coz I was wrong. The truth rose against the evil, and it finally made me open my eyes.
Everytime i used to take a trip down the memory lane, I always blamed myself. I blinded myself to the false truths and white lies that lay in front of me like an open book. But now i can see them. I can put two and two together. NOW i know, who was wrong, and who was not.
I wish I could hate those people, who deserve it. But no, I cant. thats against my instincts.Thats not the way ‘you’ would want me to be.
So, FOR YOU, just for you maa.. I forgive them AND forget them.
My soul is cleansed now. I know what I ought to do. Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.
I am starting over a new leaf. As YOUR daughter. I wont let Dad feel alone. I’ll always be there for him, just the way you had always been there for us. I’ll make you both proud Maa.
I wished to see you in my dream tonight. But.. wishes are wishes.
I wish to hug you tight, and i know i cant. 😦 but i have my arms open. Umm, i guess I’ll just my pillow thinking its you.
Your present was sent last night, give me any clue and let me know if u liked it or not. (:
Love you too.