life

A letter to her..

Maa,

Happy Birthday!

(:

Another year has passed. You and me apart.

The more i wish to bring youu back, the more it makes me feel helpless. I know I cant. The spaces bteween us are infinite. I want to be with you, but i cant. No wait, I can.

I can still feel you right there by my side, at each step of my life. I can still feel you in the darkest of the skies, as a shining star, glowing bright as ever, spreading rays of joy in every direction. I can still spend sleepless nights under the sky, talking to you for hours and hours; telling you about how Dad and I argued again, how i cooked something delicious, how i designed a dress and it turned out to be a mess, how our beighbour again told me that i am getting weaker day by day. But you need not to worry, you know na, it’s just that i am getting slimmer, not weak.

And oh yes, i’ve grown a bit taller too! If I wear those stilettos, I’d be as tall as dad =) The apple of your eye, your eldest daughter, is doing pretty well. She is upto a few new projects, and needs your prayers. Your mischievous grandson has become a lot more talkative, smart and even cuter. Yesterday when i cried missing you, you know what he did? He hugged me and said, “Main hoon na aap ki mama! Agar aap roi tou main apko daantunga !( I am your mom now, if you cry, I’ll scold you ) ” ^_^

He’s SO like you Maa.

And han, i don’t fight with api anymore, i mean i do, but it has lessened to a great extent. I help her with the household chores too. At times, I do feel like a mother of two , lol. I’ve grown up a little, and should i tell you something pleasing? Just for you, I am starting this drinking-milk-daily thingy. I hope it makes you happy.

Umm.. Maa.. I had something to say, i couldn’t find any postal address where I could drop this letter for you, so I’ve Allah mian to make you read it.. Mama, now when i look back upon those smooth and rough roads I’ve crossed, I realize that I had deviated from my path quite a few times. I had my regrets, but no, not anymore. I have my eyes set on my target, and i wont allow ANY thing to bring me away from it.

I’m sorry mama, I let you down. But you won’t have any more complaints. My silly decisions, my foolish mistakes, mt blind trust on those who never ever deserved it, is now a part of my erased past.

I feel sad, might start crying. But i promise you, once i finish crying buckets, my sobbing eyes will NEVER shed tears on the same reason again.

Maa,
when you were there with me, your unconditional love was enough to heel all my wounds. My heart never needed to know the meaning of solitude. My soul was spotless. My existence was a bliss to all others around. But since youleft me, a venomous rage filled in me. I was not the same anymore. I used to stay silent when I was dying to let my voice be heard. I smiled when i wanted to cry out loud. I quit when I was just a step away from victory. I turned good, yet bad. I turned out to be strong and courageous but was feeble and weak from inside.

The ones who had a sharp sight, spotted the person I was hiding beneath this shell. I felt I got a substitute for your love. But how silly I was. I felt that the vacuum inside my life would then get filled. But all that glitters is not gold. I made mistakes, again and again. I thought that this world isn’t as bad as it seems. I thought that generously spreading love would make others’ lives better, and in return, mine too. Things went my way, and I thanked Almighty for making me identify the purpose of my existence. My whole life got filled wih bright colours.

I loved life. It loved me. I was happy. Very content. But not for long, coz I was wrong. The truth rose against the evil, and it finally made me open my eyes.

Everytime i used to take a trip down the memory lane, I always blamed myself. I blinded myself to the false truths and white lies that lay in front of me like an open book. But now i can see them. I can put two and two together. NOW i know, who was wrong, and who was not.

I wish I could hate those people, who deserve it. But no, I cant. thats against my instincts.Thats not the way ‘you’ would want me to be.

So, FOR YOU, just for you maa.. I forgive them AND forget them.

My soul is cleansed now. I know what I ought to do. Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.

I am starting over a new leaf. As YOUR daughter. I wont let Dad feel alone. I’ll always be there for him, just the way you had always been there for us. I’ll make you both proud Maa.

Happy Birthday!

I wished to see you in my dream tonight.  But.. wishes are wishes.

I wish to hug you tight, and i know i cant. 😦 but i have my arms open. Umm, i guess I’ll just my pillow thinking its you.

Your present was sent last night, give me any clue and let me know if u liked it or not. (:

Tc Maa,

Love you too.

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71 thoughts on “A letter to her..

  1. left me with no words :-S
    May ALLAH Keeps Her Under HIS Blessings, Rise Her Among The Good-Ones on Judgment Day and Grant Her Place in Janat-ul-Firdous Accompanied By Family & Friends Along With HIS Prophet (SallALLAH-o-Alaih-e-WaSalam) – (Ameen-Sum-Ameen)

  2. that was amazing shaggy kid and happy bday to ur mom :)..wish she was alive today :(..may allah bless her and her soul rest in peace.ameen..but she must be so so happy to see u from the skies..u have learnt from ur mistakes..so move on now and achieve ur goals and dreams..nd no more cries, wrna that young nephew of urs will scold u :)..my prayers for ur success and happiness kid..stay happy nd blessed..

    1. thank you sir professor!(:
      aah, i wish the same. *sigh* I wish to see her too.. 😦
      oh yes, she is the driving force behind every positive step i take in life..
      lol, yesshh now no more tears!

      thanks, God bless you too! (:

  3. happy birthday to her n may her soul rest in peace
    n what u can give to her is that u stay happy…………. she cannot see you crying……….. ok be happy n cheerful

    1. aww, thank you Anum! (:
      at times, i feel like shedding tears from these pouring eyes is something out of my control..but i’ll try my level best not to do so,n stay happy always! 🙂

  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER
    i just wanna say her that aunti your daughter is amazing don’t u worry she is very strong she will make u proud one day and will live her life the way u wanted her to spent.

  5. That was so intense…. Lovely post…May her soul rest in peace… And obviously your mum is always with you… Just not seen.. 🙂

    1. Aameen 🙂
      yes she is, i feel her presence all the time.. but there are a few moments when i turn into a toddler and all i want her is to actually be there infront of me.. 😦

  6. She’s proud of you up there! 🙂

    Sweet post… Leaves me speechless. Well, I need not say more. You’ve said it all. 🙂

  7. I’m sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my mother to cancer also. I plan on breaking that cycle. I’n glad you found my blog. I’m trying to get readers and hardly know what I’m doing but I’m glad it found you.

    1. and i am glad to have found you and your blog.. I’d love to help you out in any way i can.. I believe little efforts like yours can, and will make a difference. We just gotta keep going..
      (:

  8. I am Speechless….

    She would have definatly loved your gift…. and yes you don’t have to prove that you are the most lovely, precious daughter of your Maa…

    “Tum apni Maa ka sab se pyara bacha ho” … Look she is smiling at you little girl… 🙂

  9. Mashallah that was the sweetest thing I’ve read in my life. I bet your mum is smiling down on you and your family every day. You do a wonderful thing by celebrating her life. May God keep you and your family happy always.

  10. This is so touching and sweet
    She listens to
    I pray for her. Be strong
    Mothers are the best
    Thank you for coming by, maybe we can be online friends

  11. The only special gift we all can give her, is to pray for her Maghfeerah and her easy and amazing journey till Jannah InshAllah Ameen 🙂
    You made ME proud, no wonder HOW much ur mother would be proud after looking at you from above 🙂 MashAllah.

  12. a very happy birthday to your mum.. a worthy tribute beautiful tribute ..

    People say that to have parents is a gift of god.. but reading your article HAving a daughter like you is also a gift to your mum..
    God bless her and may Allah mian be kind enough and hear the prayer and READS This letter to you mum..
    and I am sure she will be so Proud and happy wherever she is and looking upon you…

    God bless you …

    1. Bikram,
      Thanks a million for this super sweet comment..
      i couldn’t do a lot for her when she was alive, but i guess now is the time when i can make her happy through every little action i can do..

      Amen to that!

      God bless you too! (:

  13. brought tears to my eyes ……….. really touching!!! May God give her the highest place in heaven and of cors she is watching and guiding u every moment and each step!!!

  14. It brought tears in my eyes .. 🙂
    God Bless you, she must be feeling soooooooooooo proud to have a daughter lyk u, believe me! 🙂

  15. I could feel a deep feeling in my heart now. It reminds me about my childhood. That was an imagination of a little girl with two pony tails in her head running after her Mom in the beach on the sunset to catch shell-fishes for next morning market. That was a happiness when having small amount of money from selling shell-fishes for her family meals… That was a poverty life but sooooo nice memory!!!
    Thank you for reminding me of that!

  16. Lovely post, shaggy. She must be glad to have such a sweet daughter who loves her so much 🙂
    Happy Belated Birthday, aunty..

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